I don’t exactly do well on manuscript mailing days. Today? No exception.
TODAY’S TO-DO LIST:
1. Print out massive 442 page manuscript that I’m FINALLY done editing. For now . . .
2. Sit in a total stupor and watch each and every page pop out of the printer while drooling slightly and wondering why in the world I’m not capable of writing a short, sweet 200 page novel–no–I write big massive 442 page monsters.
3. Type cover letter to editor, apologizing for the size of big massive monster.
3. Stare at big massive monster for another thirty minutes, contemplating how long it would take me to cut out, oh . . . 100 pages.
4. Tell myself, no, there is no way you can cut 100 pages in two hours and, yes, it’s time to mail the sucker.
5. Force myself to take it to the post office.
6. Stand in line, biceps trembling from the weight, and wonder if I could make 100 pages instantly disappear if I did one of those genie blinks, like on the TV show, I Dream of Jeannie.
7. Try genie blink.
8. Curse when it doesn’t work.
9. Get to counter, stare at postal worker.
10. Have anxiety attack after handing big massive monster to him/her.
11. Have bigger anxiety attack when given the total shipping costs of big massive monster.
12. Try to breath calmly when postal worker takes manuscript away.
13. Drag myself back to van.
14. Drag myself back home.
15. Sit at computer desk as the fog starts to slowly lift and then look around in dazed confusion, wondering what the heck has been going on while I’ve been living in my book’s fantasy world.
16. Start sorting through pages of unanswered emails, overflowing in-bins, massive laundry piles, fridge full of rotting food and dust bunnies threatening to take over.
17. Think to myself . . . what book will I work on next?
18. Cringe in total fear and disgust, just like a woman who’s just delivered a twelve-pound baby would if asked when she plans on having her next child.
19. Ask myself exactly why I do this?
20. Remind myself that yes, I love being a writer. Just some days more than others. š
