I. Love. Pink.
The color, the artist, wearing it on Wednesdays, I love everything about pink, so imagine my utter joy after discovering that yesterday was dedicated to my favorite hue! I might have missed it, but I still shall wear it from head to toe today and be a living Pepto Bismol bottle, even while running. Talk about joyful miles!
But first, I must confess that there was a time in my life when I did not wear pink. Why?
Because someone told me I was too old.
Which was sad. I mean, who says stuff like that to another person? Seriously??
What was sadder yet, though, is … I believed them, hook, line, and pinker.
(Sorry. That was a really bad pun.)
It wasn’t until around … oh, what was it? … four years ago? I made the decision to wear my favorite color and revel in all its pinky gloriousness because honestly? Allowing your age to keep you from embracing your true self is just ridiculous. (And the person who said it to me was, quite frankly, an asshole.
My lesson wasn’t entirely learned, unfortunately, because that wasn’t the last time I allowed age to hold me back. Recently, I’ve been procrastinating and allowing worries about my age to keep me from something else.
I’ve been holding back from vlogging for months now, despite that being my personal intention when we started our Joyful Miles YouTube Channel. I mean, I’m fine when it comes to doing commentary at races or when chatting with someone else, like in the Tinker Bell Half Marathon Recap video I did with Becky. But it’s TERRIFYING to sit down in from of a camera and simply talk, not knowing if anyone is going to watch it or like it or even give one crap about it. So instead of jumping in, I’ve been crippled with..
The F is for failure … what if I spend the time to film and edit and post videos only to have nobody watch them? Or to have someone leave nasty comments about the weird expressions I make while talking? I can’t stop my expressions, y’all. Unless I get Botox, like, everywhere. And what would be weirder. And rather expensive. But mostly weirder.
Then there’s equipment. So many vloggers use nice HD cameras and fancy circle lights. With us having two boys in college … and the fact that we’ve recently purchased a fixer-upper at the beach, (a MAJOR fixer-upper,) I don’t want to spend a ton of money on great equipment in case I fail … which is Catch-22 because having higher quality videos could keep me from failing.
And here we go with my biggest reason … AGE. If you’re familiar with YouTube, you know that most vloggers are half my age. Well, probably more than half. Am I too old at 47? Have I thrown away my shot and missed my chance to blow since this opportunity comes once in a lifetime? (Yes, I’ve been listening to Hamilton Cast Recordings and Lose Yourself this morning.)
And then we come to R, which stands for really? You think people care about what you have to say? That you’ll ever be good enough? This same fear is something that has harmed my writing career … well, that and my demanding, unrelenting inner perfectionist who criticizes my every word. These fears and more haunted me last night while filming my first vlog
But I filmed it anyway.
And there’s so much wrong with it. First off, it’s too long. And the quality is not great – I filmed it in my home office where the lighting is poor rather than in front of windows since that area was too bright. And I looked just as tired as I had felt, so seeing it afterwards caused my inner perfectionist to scream out, “For the love of God, woman, don’t DELETE THIS MONSTROCITY AND START AGAIN,” making me wonder if I should upload and publish it.
But I published it anyway.
Yes, it’s not great and perhaps it’s not wise putting something out there that’s not my best work
But I did it anyway.
Because there’s something so wonderful about chucking your fears aside. About taking action – however flawed – instead of sitting around, waiting for perfection. About embracing your inner pink and JUST JUMPING IN.
So yeah, I did it. And later today, I’m also going to throw up a few chapters of a new book on Wattpad because you know what? Now it doesn’t seem like all that big of a deal. The dam is broken, and I’m ready to try more videos, to improve and get better. Weird expressions and all!
I only I had worn pink in it.
Now, I better warn you: There’s some bad language in the final seconds. I debated whether or not to include my failed attempts, but in the end, I left them because they do a good job of showing you my true state of mind!
And it’s kind of funny.
So what about you?
QOTD: Do you have a fear that is holding you back from your dreams? Or have you figured out a way to bust through those fears? Please share!
Have a joyful, PINK day!