Warning: this post is mostly going to include the inner ramblings of my anxious brain now that I have once again publicly announced my intention of attempting NaNoWriMo. For the fifth time. Or maybe the sixth. Seventh. I’ve honestly lost track.
It’s stupid, really, me even thinking of attempting this challenge.
I mean, our November is going to be crazy.
For starters, I’ll be at Disney the 6 – 10th for the Wine & Dine Half Marathon. Last year was a total blast, (rain and all,) so I know there’ll be no time for writing on Saturday since I’m doing both the 5k and half. Sunday? My friends and I have a full schedule. Monday? Magic Kingdom, from sunrise to sunset and then some.
I also have to run an insane amount of miles in November since I’m training for the Dopey Challenge in January. Like, 161 miles worth of insane.
And what about The Glory Girls of Stockyard County, a manuscript that I love, love, love and needs another rewrite before going back to my agent? Maybe that should have priority.
Don’t even get me started on Thanksgiving, which we host.
Plus my boys will be home from college the 25th–30th and I haven’t seen my eldest since August. Anyone with kids in college know how precious school breaks are.
And finally, there’s the fact that every time I sign up for NaNo and fail … when I allow my mental demons, the ones who tell me my writing sucks, to win … I go into December feeling miserable and defeated, another blow to my already wavering confidence level from taking on yet another challenge that felt doomed for failure from the beginning.
So like I said, it’s stupid for me to even consider taking on NaNoWriMo.
But the truth is … I’m full of crap.
Truth is, the above is nothing but excuses. Justifications for failure. Me sending a self-fulfilling prophecy to the universe and setting up a defense so on December 1st, I can link back to this in a new post and say, “Yeah, I didn’t finish, but I, like, already told you that it was a stupid idea!”
Truth is, I am more than capable on writing a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. I once wrote a 40,000 mid-grade in ten days and it didn’t entirely suck. And after giving my former editor a heart attack by cutting Gena from Beauty Shop for Rent … wow, that was a mistake … I felt so horrible over disappointing her that I rewrote the ENTIRE NOVEL in nine days, top to bottom, what ended up being the final version.
Truth is, I’m capable of doing so much more than I have been for the past few years.
Truth is, after working hard to reinvent my writing career over the past couple of months, winning NaNo would be everything … just everything.
So I’m doing NaNo, not because the world needs my novel, as the website says.
But because I need this. I need a win. I want to feel like a productive, immersed writer again, so much so that while running on the treadmill and watching one of M. Kirin’s NaNo videos, I nearly fell off when he said this.
“I came upon a terrifying realization when I wasn’t finishing stories, when I wasn’t putting in the time to write, it hit me hard […] unless I write … unless I dedicate myself to writing, my dreams of being a writer would never, ever happen.”
The whole video is fantastic and worth a watch.
So for the first time ever, I’m excited about NaNo. And I’m super excited about the young adult novel I’m writing! It’s about an ambitious runner with anxiety issues who races in tutus and tiaras. I know, WHERE DO I GET MY IDEAS??? They just, like, pop into my head! 😉
And I’m telling you right now, once I win … (did you notice my positivity there?) … I am ORDERING THIS SHIRT and will wear it EVERY SINGLE DAY IN DECEMBER.
Well maybe not every day. But darn near close to it.
What about you, are you doing NaNoWriMo this year? If so, my username is Laura Bowers (original!) if you’d like to buddy up. Good luck, I KNOW you can do it!